Outlandish

पृष्ठभूमि

2012-01-20T12:56:00.000Z

पृष्ठभूमि का एक चरित्र था

चलता, फिरता, हँसता, गाता

जाने कहाँ चला गया

शायद अगर ना जाता,

ना खटकती, वो खाली जगह

पर अब जाने क्यूँ विचार, उस खाली कोने को दोड़ता है

जब था तो वो कोना भरा

अब खाली सा रहता है

उसके गीत, उसकी मुस्कान

उन सबसे था मैं अनजान

बस जानता था वो जगह उसी की थी

जब जाओ वो मुस्कान वही मिलती थी

फिर गया वो पवन सा,

हो गया अदृश्य कही

शायद वो स्मृतियों में हैं

अब जो प्रत्यक्ष नहीं,

गया मुसाफिर आया मुसाफिर

यह खेल अनंत है

अग्रभूमि हो या पृष्ठभूमि

हर चरित्र का अंत हैं

पर चरित्र वो कुशल निपुण

स्मरण करे सब जिसके गुण

जो गया सो गया

छाप छोड़ वोह अपना कार्य कर गया

Rishte

2012-01-06T13:59:00.004Z

टूटे रिश्ते
छुटे रिश्ते
बिन बात के
रूठे रिश्ते

सूरज से चमकते
आंसूं से बरसते
शीत से कपकपाते
मौसम से बदलते रिश्ते

कुछ अनजाने
कुछ पहचाने
कुछ दीवाने
सयाने रिश्ते

डोर से बंधे हुए
छोर से तने हुए
मोड़ पे रुके हुए
कुछ भूले बिसरे रिश्ते

कुछ भूली गलियाँ कोई राह पुरानी
कुछ नयी मंजिलें थोड़ी अनजानी
नए रिश्तों की नई कहानी
अनायास ही जुड़ते रिश्ते

अपने में समेटे
चलते फिरते उठते लेटे
हैं जीवन का तथ्य क्या
ना होते अगर ये रिश्ते

gaya saal, aaya saal

2011-12-30T12:47:00.001Z

बदलती तारीखे, बदलते साल
बेढंगे गीत, बिगड़ी ताल
मिस्र में क्रांति
अफगानिस्तान में शांति
ओसामा पर विजय
ओबामा की जय
Recession का रोना
Royal wedding का होना
लोकपाल का अन्न्शन
Manmohan को tension
Corruption पर जंग
Sibal पर कसे व्यंग
Ramdev की धोती
Bachchan की पोती
Rockstar का गुण-गान
Don की पहचान
Why this Kolaveri di
वापसी Simpu की
कहे कवी Simpu
बीते साल में सब झोल था, है
हम बोलेगा तो बोलेगा की बोलता है

Chup

2011-12-18T09:43:00.001Z

मैं शब्दों से खेलता हूँ
कुछ कह कर,
कुछ अनकहे ही बोलता हूँ

कहने को कुछ है नहीं
पर फिर भी बोलने की चाह,
बैठा हूँ फिर उस सन्नाटे, उस राह

हर रात वो राह तेरी याद में तकता हूँ
तारे गिनता था
अब शब्दों को बुनता हूँ

वोह तारे याद हैं तुझे
हम रात भर तकते थे
मुस्कुराते एक टक देख, न थकते थे

वो तारे भी अब कहाँ झिलमिलाते हैं
अब हर रात बस
बादल ही नज़र आते हैं

फिर बरस जाते हैं वो
मेरी सुखी आखों के इशारे
आँखें मूँद अब चल रहा हूँ, शब्दों के सहारे

कहाँ गयी वोह चुप्पी
जिस में तेरी साँसे बोला करती थी
तेरे साथ कहाँ शब्दों की ज़रुरत पड़ती थी

Marathon Boy - bhaag Bhudhia bhaag

2011-12-12T10:27:00.000Z

क्यों बिरंची दास
क्यों उठाया बुधिया को
क्यों बचाया बुधिया को
क्यों भगाया बुधिया को

इस देश में ख्वाबों पे भी राज है
जो गद्दी पे वो ही सरताज है
अरे मुरख किसने कहा तुझे तू देख सपने
ख्वाबों को ख्वाबों में ही छोड़ अपने

चला था तू उनको सबक सिखाने
Olympic में बुधिया को स्वरण पदक दिलाने
तू बोला भाग बुधिया भाग
गए वोह तेरी पीठ में गोली दाग

कीसा ख़त्म ख़त्म कहानी
फिर भी दिल है हिन्दुस्तानी
यह देश है वीर जवानो का
जहां होता है खून अरमानो का

स्तब्द मूक मैं बैठा हूँ
जो कहना हैं वो कहता हूँ
सलाम तुझे बिरंची दास
भाग बुधिया भाग

Pehchaan

2011-12-03T11:22:00.001Z

जो ना चाहें तुझे तो बेवफा
जो चाहें तो दीवाने
जो आँखें मूँद ले तो तेरा चेहरा
जो खोंले तो अनजाने
जो दूरीयाँ सोंचे तो अपार
जो राह चलें तो घर जाने
जो जाने ना तुझको तो खुद से अनजान
जो जाने तो खुदी को पहचाने

Relationship status: Complicated

2011-11-28T12:19:00.001Z

अब तार से बंधे हैं रिश्ते
mobile, laptop, headphones और charger
जोड़ सब संजोय हैं रिश्ते
Shock से हैं टूटने का डर

पहले नज़रें मिलती थी
उठती झुकती पलके, शर्मीली मुस्कान
अब हैं mobile की घंटी
Ringtone पर है मुन्नी बदनाम

फिर Hello hello की धुन
Wassup का गुन गान
अनंत बोलना और फिर कुछ सुन
करना धैर्य का बलिदान

ये ठंडा ठंडा cool cool का ज़माना हैं
Skype और yahoo पर हुआ दोस्ताना हैं
Facebook पर अपना relationship status बताना हैं
SMS पर ok, bye xx कह जाना हैं

चुनरी में लगे दाग
पहले थे बदनाम
अब दाग अच्छे हैं
बदनामी में भी नाम

Dilli Metro....

2011-11-20T11:42:00.001Z

हमारे शहर में भी अब metro चली हैं
पर आपके शहर सा माहौल नहीं हैं
लोग हँसते बोलते गुनगुनाते हैं
Peak hours की भीड़ में कुछ ज्यादा ही करीब आते हैं
अगर किताब पढो तो सवाल उठाते हैं
कुछ भोच्के आपका चेहरा ताकते हैं

कुछ दिल्ली की धुप का तोहफा, पसीना
कुछ भागमभाग में हांफती, हसीना
कुछ बेचारे High sugar वाले, बुज़ुर्ग
कुछ High BP वाली aunty जो बनाती हैं awesome मुर्ग
और सारे hero हीरालाल
चटकती चपल भिकरे बाल

सब चले हैं कहीं को दौड़
कुछ घर से दूर, कुछ घर की ओर
कुछ मुसाफिर मंजिल से अनजान
कुछ इस शहर के मेहमान
कुछ सफ़र से अनजान मशीनी ज़िन्दगी के शिकार
कुछ अपनी ज़िन्दगी में busy, बेकार

चलती सीडिया, खुलते बंद होते दरवाज़े
hinglish जनता की आवाज़े
जिम्मेवारी से झुकी रीढ़
और भेढ़ सी चलती भीढ़
हमारे शहर में भी अब metro चली हैं
सफ़र में Thomas, मनीष और अली हैं....

par kaafir aazad hai

2011-11-18T20:16:00.001Z

हर शक्स
इक जदोजेहद में हैं
कुछ पाने की, कुछ खोने की
क़ैद में हैं

कुछ सामान, कुछ यादें
लिए चले जाते हैं
फिर इक ताने बाने में
फसें जाते है

उस राह से मुढ़
आया था मैं
सोच को छोड़
सब छोड़ आया था मैं

पर देख आज उसे
तेरे इश्क में शमशाद
मैं फिर कैद हुआ
फिर हुआ बर्बाद

इस बर्बादी के नशे में गुम
जाना अपनी सोच की ही क़ैद हैं
बन गया काफिर कोई
पर काफिर आज़ाद हैं

how?

2011-06-08T12:54:00.005+01:00

the questions, not asked
the answers, not said
the dreams, not dreamt
those questions, answers and dreams
you know them all, I wonder how
and if ever I will know....

wander

2011-05-23T14:54:00.004+01:00

Ask me not where I belong

Or where I have been or where I come from

I know not the answer to those questions

I am not lost for there is nothing to lose

I am just being myself

the wanderer

do those clouds know

where they belong, where they come from

do you ask these questions, of them

if not, then why should I define

let me just wander, like them

Speck

2011-05-23T14:45:00.003+01:00

And so the waves hit the shore

spilling it all, nothing to store

what do I hold when it will all be gone

those grains of sand my hands adorn

Stangers - Friends - Strangers

2010-10-02T21:57:00.004+01:00

How strangers become friends?
How a face unknown becomes familiar in a million faces?
How friends become strangers?
How a face known once, the mind erases?

blend

2010-09-10T21:02:00.003+01:00

fallen once, broken forever
so don't try and mend it
not outstanding, only conspicuous
just want to blend with

the time will come

2010-08-09T23:11:00.003+01:00

fading memories
lost faces
moving on
many a phases
remember the time
long gone
the time will come
when at the dawn
the rising sun
will turn the black, blue
when there will be no me
'cos there will be no you

passing out

2010-07-03T21:11:00.003+01:00

on being unconcious,
on fading sounds,
on the world going slanting,
and then moving in rounds....
i wear a smile,
i hold out a hand,
for you to hold....
make me stand,
get me back on my feet,
i know you will.
with you i fear no ill.

bridge

2010-03-31T22:06:00.007+01:00

open skies white, closed eyes black
one step forward, two steps back

the distance that will always be
the bridge to cross that we never see
is here............................................

you

2010-03-24T23:07:00.005Z

they ask me who you are
they know not you live in me
i do not love myself until
i see you in me
and what do i tell them
for they cannot see you
this world bereft of love
will know not what i feel for you
it is not love
'cos love is nothing but a word
it is infinity
unseen unspoken and unheard

i see you

2010-03-22T21:59:00.005Z

how can you hear
what i haven't said
how the unwritten words
you have always read
how can you see
what i haven't shown
how futile for me to hide
when you have always known
i wonder if this is true
you see me and i see you

joys of sorrow

2010-03-16T21:28:00.013Z

your eyes i could look into forever
and i can hear what your soul says through them!
the joys of sorrow, i have borrowed some
i knew not, i could smile with tears in my eyes

seen the joys of sorrow, have you?
i know, i ask in vain
'cos you miss the tears when you are distant
and you miss the smile, when too close

The other side of wall

2010-03-06T09:19:00.006Z

Hold me in
Incarcerate me
Within these walls
But am still free

I know the freedom
perhaps you don't
I have a path to follow
You can make your own, yet you won't

While I am captive
my thoughts are free
While you look at the darkness in here
It is the light outside I see

You give me the pain
'cos you can take me
I still smile
'cos you cant break me

like the.....

2009-12-20T05:45:00.006Z

the sound of waves
gushing and rushing with all the passion
trying to reach out and yet hold back

like the lovers away from each other
with the desire to hold each other
and trying to be complete

and then the calm that comes over the sea
the silence in the music of waves
there is no more it desires

like the lovers who are one
who know the sameness in the differences
who are one, complete

Struggle

2009-08-18T21:55:00.002+01:00

I had lost myself in you
so much that now I struggle to find me

To know the world still exists
you - I still need to see

To know that I am alive
your touch I need to feel

To know wrong from right
your glances I need to steal

To win I need to lose
myself to you

But that I did the moment we met
now I need to find myself back too

HPOD - June 14, 2009

2009-06-14T22:13:00.005+01:00

It was a fab day! Just about perfect. I don't really say that often. I had many high points through the day. I guess this is the one I have decided to share because it celebrates the free spirit of London. Just amazing.

Some random musicians by London eye, some random people dancing, some random joy. God bless the free spirited. They are such a joy!

PS: Just one random couple swaying to the music...and one random photographer... me

HPOD - 15th May 2009

2009-05-16T17:27:00.004+01:00

To see something being born is magic. Life coming in the world. It is a moment that I never thought I would be awed by. How wrong I was and how much in awe I still am of seeing the butterfly emerge out of the pupal case.

HPOD - 3rd May 2009

2009-05-03T14:58:00.003+01:00

After mowing the lawn all morning I crashed in the garden. Lying down in the Sun with an occasional cold breeze, closed eyes and listening to music - is there anything more I could possibly ask for. I wonder why so often we miss these small pleasures that make a big difference.

I am going back to the garden.

H-POD - High Point of the day

gypsy

2009-04-26T11:31:00.004+01:00

the shadows that were
the empty spaces within
the city of mist
broken by a whim
it is time indeed for the gypsy
to move on
it is the start of a new day
a new dawn
gypsies move i forgot
i thought it was to be
but now i know
it wont be
i will be left alone
as you go back to your world
too much said
too little heard
the home where you live alone
in the hope of making one
i hope that wish
will soon be done
amen!

Black Ice

2009-02-07T22:19:00.004Z

London was snowed in last week. More snow is expected in the coming week.I have been walking carefully through the snow everyday to my workplace. I saw many people slip and fall by my side. Despite the caution I fell myself. When I was offered a helping hand I just replied with a smile, 'I was expecting it'. I was expecting the fall. It was a silly grin accompained with the sillier line now when I think of it. But it was honest.

As days go by the snow starts melting and the roads are wet. At night as the temperature drops the wet roads freeze to black ice. The roads with black ice are slippery and dangerous. More so because the danger is not visible.

It seems like our emotional states and our lack of expressing it. Sometimes we do not express ourselves at all. Sometimes we express ourselves little and as our feelings begin to flow, we freeze without really letting it all out. It is then that we may be vulnerbale to slipping again. At such times we may be oblivious of the causes for our falling over and may hurt ourselves much more unexpectedly. I dont know if I am walking over the black ice now. We can never know because we can't see it. However we know when we fall it was there. If I fall over I just hope I can confess honestly 'I was expecting it'.

perspectives

2008-11-17T21:27:00.004Z

look in the mirror
do you see what I see?
do you see you seeing me
or do you see me?

perspectives, are they ever the same?
you wish i could know and see
seeing the reflections
see you for you and you as me

if we were the same
we would not be
if you want me to be you
than i cannot be me

the reflections blur
turn around and look in my eyes
you will see urself
the truth and the lies

i may not see the world
the way you do
but that doesn't make us distant
it brings me closer to you

in ur world and mine
the differences i see
as i get closer to u
u set me free

for i knw u like i knw myself
i wish u thought so too
i see u fr u
but i see me too

outer inner

2008-08-28T21:51:00.002+01:00

the outer world
the inner world

the way we look
the way we are

the madness outside
the calm within

the right thing
the place of no wrong

the loud laughter
the slight smile

the endless chatter
the wordless talk

the outer world, growing
the inner world, knowing

inspiration

2008-08-12T12:23:00.003+01:00

wonder what it takes
wonder what makes
the strength and resilience of those who win
those who can stop the spin
those who give their lives away
those who live their way
wonder sitting, looking for inspiration
tired of futile exhaustion
looking at the river flowing
and the running trains slowing
slowing down thoughts and heartbeat rising fast
looking to build a legacy to last
wonder sitting, looking for inspiration
inspired inside through the subtle sublimation
finding within the eternal place
running my own race

Wow Frenshps day

2008-08-03T16:15:00.002+01:00

early morning i gt a message frm a fren. it said something abt frenshp. i wondered why suddenly he bothered and remembered that we were frenz. i mean we are frenz but sending frenshp messages is not something we believed in, till today.

then lazily i logged on. and there i noticed some status messages and a few random ppl pinging me to wish happy frenshp day. i wished them the same. moved on.

came in here. checking some posts by fella bloggers and what were they writing about. well no prizes for guessing that one right.

am thnkng when was the last time i ever gt excited abt frenshp day. if i ever did at all. anyway i didn't see any signs of it here in london. so where has this come from, why and for whom....ya ya ya...frenz...special days...blah blah...but seriously i dun knw if it does make any sense besides commercial sense. anyway nw that i have been reminded that it does happen to be frenshp day...like everyone else am glad fr my gang of chu...chums...lazy sunday ...yawn

and some of u who read this space...yeah i guess i cud wish u too... :)

but did george bush wish manmohan?

did sonia wish amar singh?

did mayawati wish.....?

did .....yawn sleep

in constant war

2008-08-02T16:14:00.003+01:00

are we at peace or are we at constant war? the blasts in india are not in isolation. we do become incapable of seeing it unless it hits home. it is happening everywhere, everyday. this constant struggle where innocents get killed everywhere in the fight for power of those who call the shots but never get to the ground level, between the dominant and minorities striking back.

i am losing sense of right or wrong. i saw a story of a eight year old on telly pretty much with every part of his body plastered up. he ended up that way cos he had come to visit his dad, a worker at the hospital. he was there to learn riding a bike and his dad was to help him with it. his brother accompanied him. a blast happened. his brother ended up in ICU and he got all plastered up. am sure there are many more such horrific stories. but i am just failing to make sense of it all. to recall, recollect and blog this story after a week am still as ambivalent as i was then, wondering if i shud happy to see that he survived or be sad to see his plastered self.

2008-07-25T11:05:00.004+01:00

has the myth to make the nuclear deal the most obvious naturalised choice been accepted? energy crisis. what abt solar energy? hw about an agreement with US for the transfer of technology in that area? wondering and pondering.

from 3...5 to 7 blasts...in bangalore....just another one of those incidents, who cares. everything goes. but for the lives of those dead. a moment of silence if there is nothing more we can do.

Nuclear Deal - Left's Objections to the deal...King Singh's Parliamentary Speech

2008-07-24T15:47:00.014+01:00

As mentioned in my last post I had been talking but not doing much in terms of understanding the nuclear deal. I do agree making tall claims without adequate knowledge of the issue was not of any consequence but I also understand that it is through deliberation and debate that we gain an understanding of issues at hand. So here are some key issues that the Left had raised and for which it withdrew support from the 'king singh government' which haven't been answered, to my knowledge yet or have they? If anyone knows pls do let me knw. :)

Despite the fact that there are fuel supply assurances in the agreement there had been No Concrete Fuel Supply Assurance in return for the IAEA Safeguards, which obviously is in Perpetuity. Till date these assurances that were made earlier on have also not been fulfilled.
The key question therefore with respect to IAEA safeguards is: how to ensure that once India’s civilian reactors go under safeguards in perpetuity, the country would not be blackmailed by the withholding of nuclear fuel supplies, as the United States did in Tarapur following Pokhran-I?
The preamble to the Safeguards Agreement notes that India is offering its civilian nuclear facilities for IAEA safeguards on the “essential basis” of “the conclusion of international cooperation arrangements creating the necessary conditions for India to obtain access to the international fuel market, including reliable, uninterrupted and continuous access to fuel supplies from companies in several nations, as well as support for an Indian effort to develop a strategic reserve of nuclear fuel to guard against any disruption of supply over the lifetime of India’s reactors.” The real point is that the preamble merely ‘notes’ India’s intentions in these respects. IAEA has neither any obligation regarding fuel supplies or building strategic reserves nor does this noting India’s basis for this offer give India any additional rights through this agreement.
As against the vagueness of the “corrective measures” figuring in the preamble that India has, what is spelt out clearly in the body of the agreement (Paragraph 32) is that India can withdraw its facilities from safeguards only if it is (a) jointly agreed between India and IAEA, and (b) if these facilities are no longer usable for any nuclear activity. What does this mean? It can only mean that India can withdraw any facility it wants out of IAEA safeguards only if it strips it of all capability of producing nuclear energy and that too only after the IAEA determines that “the facility is no longer usable for any nuclear activity relevant from the point of view of safeguards.
It is well established in international law that the preamble is a part of the treaty or international agreement and it can be used to give colour and tone to the interpretation of the operative part of the treaty/agreement. This does not however mean that it can be used to create additional rights or obligations that are not contained in the clauses of the Treaty/Agreement.

In response to the above, King Singh's reply for the parliament does not seem to be addressing any of these issues. It is more rhetorical than factual. It touches upon a range of issues from Advani to the number of IIMs and what not. On the issue of the deal he uses terms like Nuclear Aparthied and Nuclear Isolation. Just to clarify if it is about aparthied then it would need equal rights for all to end it and not just one country joining the so called priveleged camp. He does mention how there was a need to discuss the agreement, deliberate and negotiate the agreement but then the King Singh also contradicted himself by reaffirming his commitment to the deal at G8 with Bush. Had it not been for his Kingly Notions of ruling a democratic nation I wonder if the fiasco was avoidable?

So what happens next? Will IAEA be debated at all now??

ashamed

2008-07-22T22:00:00.005+01:00

i am disgusted and ashamed with what happened in the Indian Parliament today. considering that media has become all pervasive and i have access to the likes of ndtv and star news i wonder where is our country going. i am not the one to comment of politics often. i guess we all have become so used to the drama of it all that we have become indifferent. but it does worry me at times, asking myself again, where are we going?

it is not about congress or bjp or about amar singh or mayawati. for me this is about two things. Firstly, the nuclear deal that no one seems to be knowing much about. it is something that will for sure affect the future generations and our startegic interests as a country, whether for better or for worse, don't we need to know about it? i did try. not with much enthusiasm or success. then reluctantly gave up the pursuit. the draft of the deal is still stored somewhere on the PC, i did download it but never really got to reading it. Secondly it is about quality of democracy. do we as a country even deserve democracy? i have serious doubts after seeing the scenes in parliament today.

many a times i feel proud to be idenitified as an Indian. but today am ASHAMED.

PS: while searching video of today's footage on youtube i found 3 categories of videos on indian parliament : indian parliament attack, indian parliament comedy, indian parliament funny. Do i need say any more about the polity of the biggest democracy of the world.

2008-07-21T22:26:00.002+01:00

star gazing
in the sun lazing
colors visible even in the night sky
morning singing by the magpie
is this real or is it just a dream
to wake up with a smile feeling supreme
that doesn' feel like me
for long just been grouchy
should i be ecstatic and smile through the day
what if this goes away
or just let it last perhaps forever
as i said before never say never

2008-07-19T20:53:00.001+01:00

is it me or is it the situation?

i hate crossroads especially when i don't know which way i wanna go.

Art and Abstraction

2008-07-18T11:28:00.007+01:00

Art in modern times, in a post structuralist world, has lost it's form. I guess it comes from the fact that increasingly life has become more and more structured. Wake up. Get ready. Go to Work. Come back from work. Sleep. The cycle goes on and on. And then we all need a break, a holiday... but holidays are also the same, predictable.

What has Art got to do with it? Everything. Artists challenge the norm. They challenge the set structures. So modern art goes abstract.

Why am I suddenly talking all this? Cos yesterday was one of the rare days when I went to an art gallery after ages. Went to BFI, then to tate and walked back by the riverside. It reminded me of something that I had been missing for some time now and i guess i need to do more often. In Mumbai I used to frequent Jehangir Art Gallery...loved it. Of late just lost it all.

However this is not what I wanted to say. Art is often despised with a common complaint - 'we dun understand art'. The point is we have been conditioned into beings who want to understand and analyze everything. I wonder if art is meant to be understood at all. Sometimes just looking at a piece random thoughts flow. Our discomfort with randomness then raises its head and says I dun understand this, what am i suppose to make of it. I wonder if we really need to make sense of everything. I wonder if am making sense at all.

just...

2008-07-05T20:40:00.001+01:00

if everything we think is a way of thinking that has been passed on to us, that has descended upon us and that has been conditioned around the thoughts that are indoctrinated within us, then what am I and who am I?

Perhaps for a while I had chosen to believe that I am my beliefs but if my beliefs are nothing more than a mere construction that use me as a host and grow through me then where is consciousness , free will and the ‘I’

Just to be…is that an indoctrination too?

i am struggling with the quest and yet smiling to myself, just....

be

2008-07-02T15:41:00.005+01:00

Be...I just said to someone. Honestly I could have said so much more but I really wonder if saying anything more would really help.

I have come across many people who can just "be". Just being your own person is so difficult at times. The world is ok, the people around are fine but the worst thing is not being ur own person. i like people who laugh, who can stand their ground, who care but don't really care and who are imperfect and yet comfortable with themselves. Perhaps i read it somewhere that if one does not appreciate oneself or believe in oneself, no one else will. it is true.

Then I meet the other lot. The lot which is "wanting to Be". Perhaps hurt, sometimes challenged and at most times trying to prove. Will that make a difference?

what is their to prove and to whom? i wonder....
myself i get stuck somewhere in the middle but more often than not i just let myself be.

meming memes

2008-06-27T12:32:00.004+01:00

it is almost the end of the one year sabbatical i took, packed my bags and came to another country but just not yet.

my final research and the most exhaustive part of the course is what i start work on. months ago i wrote this entry on my blog on this word MEME knowing little that few months down the line it will become the basis of my thesis for the final research paper. so here i am researching memes.

am i excited? u bet.
just getting started with blackmore, lynch and of course Dawkins with all the possible connects to darwinism...as the McD tag line goes (meme in itself)
I am loving it!

UEFA Euro 2008

2008-06-26T12:25:00.003+01:00

never watched soccer but nw that i have started seems hard to resist. newly found interests - soccer and computer games. what was i doing till i started doing all these interesting things...aaah blogging

2008-06-24T14:35:00.002+01:00

was looking for someone to talk with, anyone
perhaps wanting to escape being lonesome
the silence that questions me and leaves me answerless
the moments that seem almost endless
when every second crawls to reach the next one
was looking for someone to talk with, anyone
then the clock might click faster
a slave of time looking for a master
wandering in my thoughts still
those empty spaces was looking to fill
perhaps it was only you that someone
may be if not you, i am better silent than talking with anyone

Don't sweat the small stuff!

2008-06-24T14:28:00.002+01:00

being small in this moment, sweating over something that won't matter for too long.... or will it?

but the more i am dwelling and mulling over it the more it is making me think and that is a good thing or so i hope. anyway after almost 3 weeks here i am back. i don't know if i have much to say. perhaps i do but not in this moment. this needs to be a moment of silence, the silence i so fear and fill up with words.

being as small as am being, am preparing to fight it all, to wage wars against those bigger evils that plague us all...someday

Johnson says "no more" , People party !!

2008-06-01T20:13:00.005+01:00

as the new mayor lands in, "No More Drinking" on public transport comes into effect from today. so last night was "Party on Tube Trains". Found this Vid on Youtube and think it is hilarious, though i do feel sorry for the old couple.I guess got caught at the wrong moment. But that's london. more later.

handbags, gladrags...

2008-05-28T09:02:00.004+01:00

Ever seen a blind man cross the road?
trying to make the other side
Ever seen a young girl growing old?
trying to make herself a bride....

...just loved the words from the song called 'handbags and gladrags'. even like the title. so much for fashion and style. so much for looking good. so much for the beauty - visually enticing. so much for perfection - elusive. so much for looking in the mirror and wondering what do others think. so much for gym toned bodies and tanned skins. so much for fairness creams and contact lenses. so much for climbing the ladder. and then the fear of losing it all!

handbags and gladrags, hands-glad. prayer.

raindrops

2008-05-25T20:30:00.003+01:00

after dry days there was rain again
a sigh of relief after all the pain
the dismay the sadness the end seemed near
but for now have allayed the fear
raindrops on the leaf and grass blade
walking through the sun looking for some shade
i find the shade and relief in you
nature's bounty and colors - green and blue

2008-05-23T14:35:00.002+01:00

tired eyes
trying to look around
strong winds
trying to hold my ground
lust and touch
the love found unfound
unlimited skies
life abound

2008-05-18T09:16:00.001+01:00

of the strange and the stranger
of looking beyond the cover underneath
of aging and loneliness
of thinking about it listless

Subah

2008-05-10T09:00:00.001+01:00

एक सुबह आज फिर है

कुछ उम्मीद कुछ बेउम्मीद सी हैं

फिर शाम होगी और रात भी

कल भी थी ऐसी ही शुरुआत सी

2008-05-09T23:21:00.002+01:00

सैयां मोरे बोले ना
दिल के राज़ खोले ना
दुखे हैं मन ये जान
दिल में जो रहे, हैं अनजान

मोड़

2008-05-09T23:14:00.002+01:00

कैसे जाऊ तोहे छोड़

इस मोड़

माहरा जिया ना माने

जाने अनजाने

तोहे नैनां देख तरस गए मोरे नैन

मन बेचैन

जाओ काहे ना कहो कछु ना तुम

मूक गुम सुम

काहे ना बोले दिल तोड़

इस मोड़

2008-05-06T12:03:00.005+01:00

देखो ना ईन आँसुओ को
मुस्कुरा रहा है मेरा दिल
आज जो तुम्हे देखा मैंने
खिल गया हैं मेरा दिल
जैसे बरसा हो पानी
सूखे से इस दिल को भीगा गया कोई
वो आंसू नहीं नीर की बूंदे
यह आँखें ना सोई सी ना रोई सी

मंजिल

2008-05-05T14:14:00.004+01:00

शायद खो गया हूँ मैं कहीं
पर शायद नहीं
सोचा ना था पर अब जानता हूँ मैं
जो था वो नहीं हैं
जो हैं वोँ रहेगा नहीं
शायद खो जायूँगा मैं भी कहीं
पर क्यों सोचता हूँ ये सब
खोया पाया सब अब
पर कब तक यूं ही चलता रहूंगा
अन्जान राहों पर अन्जानो से कहूँगा
मिल जाए अगर वो मंजिल तुम्हें
मुझे भी बताना बीते कैसे लम्हे
उस मंजिल पर जो तुमने पा ली
मेरे हाथ शायद होंगे तब भी खाली
जैसे अब तैसे तब
मंजिल नहीं कोई जब

catharsis

2008-05-05T13:16:00.004+01:00

let me soak in those words
let me feel the rhythm of my heart beat
let me smile at the sunshine
let me dance in the freedom of my spirit
let me be born yet again
from the womb of time
from the flowing water
from the touch of the cold wind
from the touch of your hand
from the kiss of your eyes

let me fall in love all over again
from the form that I am to what becomes of me

(100th entry with a make-over for my blog)

broken

2008-05-05T12:25:00.004+01:00

gathering the broken pieces,

putting them all together,

trying to fix.

does it ever get fixed,

what is broken once?

and if it doesn't, then why bother.

why bother with the pieces at all.

perhaps hopeless optimism

tells me somewhere it can be done

or may be the broken pieces can be re-formed

not into what it was

but what it can be

2008-05-02T16:27:00.003+01:00

कार्यांत्रण ही विश्राम हैं !

grey

2008-05-02T14:03:00.006+01:00

the grey
rain as if it was seeping inside
running through my veins
the blood was gone
for it was all water now
and like i was nothing more
nothing more than a drop
a drop in the ocean
the ocean calm and quiet
moving but seeminly static
wondering if dead in gloom
or at peace ecstatic

blogs - all that is Happening!

2008-04-27T09:36:00.004+01:00

whats new now? ok a few interesting servies.

as if blogging was not enough, now there is microblogging. Check out twitter. It can be used to provide constant updates of what one is doing. well that is what the site says. tell everyone u wanna connect with and tell them what u r doing ( all the time...grrrr...dun wanna do that).

at the next level is also a service on live journal, another blogging site which provides for blogging via speech.

anybody using those services....am sure many but no one i know of. twitter does seem to be popular. I have seen it on a few blogs. I guess will explore microblogging soon to see what it is all about though am nt really keen to micro- blog as of now. but never say never.

mirroring

2008-04-24T20:43:00.002+01:00

why am posting this eerie image? check this out -

mirror project

. found it interesting. even tried a bit of myself. things people do!

it isn't just about the image. it is also about the stories with it. there are some 30000 or more images all with the same theme. found it exciting. well such things make me smile. no surprises i say abnormal is outstanding!

cybertrimming

2008-04-24T09:51:00.002+01:00

am all over cyber space. am trying to trim my cyber identity. make it more comprehensive and concise. so no more joining networking sites.

OFF:
deleted my hi5 account. next on list the yahoo 360 thingy. then orkut.

Still ON:
Shelfari
Linkedin
FB
Blogger

one day i would

2008-04-21T16:31:00.006+01:00

walking in my thoughts
running in the wild
i sit and wait for it to happen
i wonder like a child

one day i would
when will it be though
i think i would know it then
though i never know

like the water flows
i watch life flow and sit by the side
does the water know where it goes
does it show or does it hide

where does it end
where does it go
this flowing water
i wonder will the child ever grow

Broken Promises

2008-04-17T11:01:00.002+01:00

How did I learn to make promises to break?
Ask me not for my word for it isn’t worth a take
For to give a word and not stand by it was never me
And yet doing it all along the way myself I see
Saying each day the truth I know I will soon deny
I know within me a world would die
But we all live a life destined to end
The ways of the world are hard to comprehend
For all the promises that I will one day break
Remember it isn’t just you but am myself at stake
And ask me not for my word another day
My heart wrenches and writhes for I wouldn’t have it any other way
If I could I would keep all the promises, I made
If I could I would have stayed

blog world... am here to stay

2008-04-14T10:53:00.008+01:00

while i was still contemplating to give up writing my bloggers list seems pretty dead. What is going on? Most people haven't updated their blogs for more than a month. Are there some signs in here that i fail to read.

One of the facts I cam across researching blogosphere - the avg life of a blog is 288days. Is the time up or is this just a break?

For me getting away from blogging seems highly unlikely for now as i thru my research and wandering around have only returned to the blogosphere with much renewed vigour and also a sense of understanding that looks at blogosphere beyond individuals and into interaction at a universal level happening across regions...as someone mentioned giving us all the third space beyond work and home.

do check out dilliwalla if u r as much in love with the city as i am. just love that blog...

Kambakht Ishq

2008-04-13T23:04:00.004+01:00

Universal truths

Love and relationships need to be worked on. Never take love for granted
Love makes u vulnerable as it gives u power over other
Love is not a deal but if u don’t negotiate ur space u r sure to be at loss
Love is also not the center of life to give up living. Only when u keep living is when it will grow by the day
Too much of anything is bad including love

Love talk

When your lover says you can share it all, don’t take the words at face value. Don’t fall in the trap. The things so shared in all innocence and good faith will come flying at you when you least expect them and u will not be able to dodge it, try as hard
Ur Ex’s will always be undermined, despised and hated whether u like it or not in all conversations, don’t even try to resist it.
In some cases ur past relationships will be nullified and don’t try and defend their non existence. Just accept.
Saying “Just frenz”, never works. Whenever u say u r just frenz with someone I guarantee it will be misconstrued for something more.
When u r misconstrued and feel stifled, it suddenly turns into possessiveness out of passion, yet another form of love to be appreciated
Since u fail appreciation for such passion u r insensitive.
If u r told that u r insensitive, don’t care for others feelings, self obsessed just don’t react as u will never win that argument
If your friends are considered ‘insane’ it is just an expression of opinion with no offence meant
If u take offence u r over reacting
Since u have over reacted u have hurt and are heartless and u can F off

Insights and advice

“Sex and Love Research” says when a relationship begins love and lust coincide and hence is at its peak and the new found lover is perfect. If u r in the first year of ur relationship wait till u start seeing the imperfections
Silence was, is and will always be golden
Always admit ur mistake even if u think…ah dun even think, just admit it as soon as it is raised as an issue. U r always at mistake. Trust me it’s easier, simpler and works.

Never mind, still fall in love but pay heed to the advice and be safe than sorry! I will try n follow some myself.

Note: If u dare make such a blog post be prepared for the consequences - near death experience of a relationship...

wandering

2008-04-11T15:36:00.002+01:00

my research in blogosphere is going good. am enjoying it.

from the eternal optimists to the melancholic, it's a whole new universe. wandering around in the spaces i wonder why i never explored it before.

that reminds me of one of my fav quotes

"you do better, only when u know better"

blogosphere

2008-04-07T14:25:00.003+01:00

my research on blogging is yeilding some interesting results. to start with here are some key words asscoiated in literature with blogs. I will keep adding more n more till am done.

melancholic. Solipsistic. solitude. Political helplessness. Emancipatory. SMART MOBS. Swarms.P2P Journalism.The SOCIAL Mind. panopticon. Convergence. mainstreaming. Always on. HYPER CONNECTED CULTURE. immediacy.Community. PArtICIpaTioN.TRUTHINESS. Echo Chamber. Self disclosure.Collective Intelligence.

from flirtation-matrimony down to divorce.

2008-03-18T12:11:00.000Z

i have to write. i always do. just that the spaces keep changing. but i survive on it. it's not that i am nt writing, it's just that i haven't been writing here. my status says from a couch potato to an internet addict. i guess i need to change it now. why? cos i think am done with it all

i enjoyed watching tele a lot as a teen. i was pretty much a couch potato glued on to sat tv. the puberty of tv in india coincided with mine. we both were suddenly out of our domestic domains and beginning to see the world with some kind of comprehension of where we stood in the midst of it all. media , specifially tv fascinated me. i now know why there was a song called 'radio gaga' and i wonder why no one wrote anything for the tv.

well past my teen age years when i started working in the media industry it did demystify the magic of media, i was so in awe of, as a young adult. it wasn't the same anymore. it was an industry like any other and though i still consumed it's output... it was not with the same zest. in fact it was like ur childhood sweetheart turns out to be a model and u end up being a designer. suddenly everything about her beauty turns into sizes and metrics and u begin to see the imperfections. i don't know how great the analogy is but surely i was seeing some numbers all the time when i was watching tv then. imagining the crests and troughs that it might be going through. u can't make love with statistics on your mind. at least i guess i can't. tv and me parted ways pretty much after the long association. it was amicable. we decided we would still be friends. i was single again.

in the loneliness i found someone slowly entering my life. now i would say creeping up. i was at the stage of life when people are expected to settle down. it was time for matrimony. after the long flirtation or shall i say love with television and my break up realising that it was just a crush, perhaps infatuation, i was ready to move on. and bang. i was married to internet. i don't know whether it was arranged or love but like a lover with a hearbreak on rebound i enjoyed it. it felt more real. i could feel things with the net. i could chat, laugh, cry, make love do it all. my world was complete.

then i landed here , where i am now. and i did the same mistake. i started studying internet. suddenly new media and internet in its various forms of engagement was unromantic. slowly i realised it was not as real as i thought it was and to the extent it was, the reality of internet was scary. the magic of internet also started wearing off. i dnt want to be connected anymore. this window of world is flirtatious i realised and unlike tele where i was in control i am nt even sure if i can say the same for the net. it is collecting a trail of my life in bits n pieces through cookies and apps and suddenly i feel i am being conspired against. i am being paranoid. at times this paranoia is making me hold back from saying things i want to, at times am feeling lost. i guess i have been tricked and decieved. i guess it's my karma for having left tv alone and turning my back to it and occassionally meeting and saying we can still be "good friends". i am divorcing the net with the same "shall be good friends" clause.

but u cannot be just good friends with someone u aspired to have a relationship with ( read sleep with). it never works that way, does it?

my learning frm all of it, relationships never work when u start pragmatically analysing ur partner! let love n logic move on different tracks cos thats how it is supposed to be.... at least for me.

words

2008-01-31T19:17:00.000Z

the more i say
the more meaningless it gets
so for once just dont ask me
to say more
to tell it all
for that cannot be
i can never say it all
words are too small
to mean , say and feel
i wonder if its these words
i wonder if they are to blame
seemimgly distant
we are trying to say and say more
even when we have nothing to say
touch, smile, breath, kiss
do the words feel
words are failing the feelings
and i will not try in vain
not because i cant
but because it causes more pain

Rape Crime Murder

2008-01-30T11:06:00.000Z

It is a bit disturbing when issues like this come closer to you. Not that we don't hear of them. In fact we hear of rape crime murder so often that we are pretty much desensitised to the whole idea and don't really care much. But yesterday was particularly shocking.

I heard a first person account of being a victim from someone who has been through the trauma and is still in the midst of a struggle and then a talk by Samira Ahmed, a journalist at Channel 4 on similar issues - on women as victims and as criminals. Her work involves all of it on a day to day basis and I was surely impressed with the woman, her ability to raise issues relating to ethnicity, representation and feminism and address them with a sense of fairness and equity. It disturbed me not so much that such issues existed because we all know they do but just that it might be so much closer to us than any of us imagine. Vulnerable, we all are.

lost and found

2008-01-26T21:31:00.000Z

one day i just went astray
like i did most days
and i met life on the way
but i thought it would not stay
and on the way back i wondered
did i get lost
did i find myself

life changed my life
but i know it has to go away
i know alive i cannot stay
for am destined to exist not to live
did i get lost
did i find myself

life and i did a pact
we pretended to act
that we would walk together
so far as we could
that it will all be good
did i get lost
did i find myself

so as i live with life
lost in living life
i guess i lost myself
but when i looked in her eyes
i had to look no further
i am there always
that is where i find myself

Painted leaves and IPL

2008-01-24T15:33:00.000Z

I was surprised to hear this
But China, when it was bidding for Olympics in 2003, had the leaves on its trees by the side of the road painted green to give it a picture perfect look. So much for the perfection of perception among the oustide world!

Sometimes makes me wonder if this whole notion of development, of the rat race, of consumerist values and individualistic life is itself flawed. Sometimes I wonder if it makes us better or worse.

Next time u have guests over and some plant in ur porch isnt looking perfect u know what to do...go the chinese way!

IPL Bid - Rs 69960000000 the amount generated. for once why nt make a small change and call the IPL indian poverty league and use the money for the poverty stricken, debt dead, ecologically poor country of ours on health, education and infrastructure building for the backward... nt to develop essentially the western way but help the absolute poor stand up...i know as insane as it may sound its nt more insane than a sport being given priority over living conditions in general. But who cares.

Like the chinese we are also painting the ten cities in the premier league and club format of soccer and baseball. Who cares about the highest infant mortality rate of our country?

Pleasure

2008-01-13T16:16:00.001Z

"Pleasure promotes the resignation it ought help to forget" - Adorno and Horkheimer

The statement caught my attention as i was reading some literature by the two great thinkers from frankfurt schooland it's been sitting in my head since. So here i am questioning myself on some very basic ideas about pleasure and entertainment. And if it stands for what it means!

The modern life as we see it, is in a way a resignation of sorts - a resignation to routines, a resignation and submission to life and its ways, being determined not by our individual thoughts but what we are told to think. Our social conditioning is so strong that we dont even realise how we develop our beliefs and systems, they just come into being and we live with them each day unquestioningly. Ephemeral ideas that take form into our life so strongly that we accept them as is. But should we? When someone challenges us to think beyond, to step out of our comfort zone , to define and then redefine our beliefs, it becomes difficult. But it is one of the most exhilirating experiences as well. But we don't do it all that much after all and sometimes we dont do it at all !

So to counter this submission, we derive pleasure and entertain ourselves - we derive pleasure by submission yet again. The resignation that drives our modern life drives everything including our pleasure. That's a part of conditioning too. Though few of us, really few don't submit ourselves to the endless amusement being served on a platter, most of us do.

Next time when you do something from pleasure - watch a movie or a show on telly, read a book, go out for dinner or go shopping... ask yourself -whether you are submitting or liberating yourself!

Indian of the year ???

2008-01-08T02:06:00.000Z

(Written as a reponse on CNN IBN Blog for Indian of the year, not sure if it will be published there but it sure finds its place of honor - where it belongs - in my mindspace. They did publish it alongwith 99 other comments in the conundrum)

Brilliant!

In a country of billion people...the channels are increasing, the competition is rising. So let us take a tip from the bollywood industry and try and be different. But the problem is when everybody is being different , it does become a norm. So here we have yet another "different" award show - the CNN IBN Indian of the year award.

How are these awards different - well the categories - politics, sports, business and entertainment are areas that are considered "newsworthy" anyway and have been recognised and honored with more attention than they deserve in some cases. NRI category is also dominating the country's media. Well Indian of the year - a Non Resident Indian - isn't it an oxymoron in itself. And the last category - yes that does bring in the difference. After all no one recognised public service but public service is just that , its service without recognition, fighting for the underdog.So why the awad? The award is to ensure inclusion. One who breaks the glass cieling of the elites , challenges the systems and gets "noticed" - needs to be a made a part of elite itself. And what and how does this recognition help?

Sure we need to get over the reality television syndrome and sure we had enough of page 3 parties. Well good idea! create a page 3 of different sorts, a more serious page 3, a page 3 not of bollywood and fashion idustry with raunchy dances and short skirts but perhaps of politicians, sportspersons etc etc and also add a dash of the common (read public service)for glamor of a new kind.

Am not against the awards, just against the notion that it be read as something more than what it is. Arent we already done with enough elitist mutual admiration? Doesn't the award function become a prime property for the channel? Haven't we had enough shameless plugs in the so called spaces created for the people like the one above?I guess we have...there is no other reason why a special entry on CNN IBN Indian of the year should fit in here.

Duty

2008-01-06T12:03:00.001Z

I love dinner table discussions. Don’t know why we never had it back at home. Not many I can remember. Oh! yes, I know why, because we used to switch on the TV, sit in front of the TV and eat most times. So amidst channel surfing and watching the inane never ending sagas on Zee, Star, (which my mum for some reason has to have as her staple diet and my news and music diet on ) Mtv, V and IBN the dinner just happened. I don’t know if it was peculiar to us or to everyone back home. TV used to do all the talking; we used to add a comment or two.

It’s not the same here. Now am not even sure if that’s true for everyone arnd. May be people do follow Eastenders and the American shows on 4 the same way surfing between BBC, ITV , Sky and the rest of the BBCs as was the case with us with Star et al.

But wherever you are I strongly recommend dinner table discussions. It’s the best way to bond, to know each other and to transmit values. The discussion could be political, global affairs, past experiences or just random talk but its personal, what we think of it rather than the impersonal chatter of TV. It is satisfying and you leave post dinner, feeling much fuller and satiated. Media might still feed in our understanding of what is happening around but each one of us has a different opinion and perhaps that’s the beauty of it – the tastes on dining table could differ as much as our opinions on matters.

Well in one such discussion there was this whole discussion on the notion of duty. We all inherently know what is the right thing to do, isn’t it? It just feels right. There is this notion of duty to it. Doing the right thing is our duty and yet that’s what we diverge from. That is where conflict arises from. We find our excuses, justify and if nothing else procastinate. What a shame, but we do it, I do it.

Also the notion of the conflict between individual and group arises at different level with families, society, and state – duty to oneself and duty to others. What should finally be valued more? Well I said something in my 2007 roundup that where I come from it’s always about the other and what I meant was perhaps this – the duty towards the group is always more important than the individual. That’s how we have seen things around since we were kids. It was about reaching about, about helping out and it was natural.

Suddenly of late I see “I” everywhere against family, society and the state even within couples but this notion of duty somehow reminded me of what was bigger and better and perhaps in my understanding the right thing to do, sometimes simple chatter can enrich one and make one think and trust me it goes pretty well with some bread.

happy new year '08

2008-01-01T09:15:00.000Z

New Year's Eve.

crazy crowds. no place. beer. mild weather. screaming. human chains. police on horses. trash. desperate to see the fireworks. finally managed to catch it though only at the station but nevertheless some great moments. in the middle of it i shut the cam and stood there just stood, taking my momemt of silence and watching the sky lit up. magnificent!

The year that was - 2007

2007-12-31T13:52:00.000Z

This year I plan to become a bit more organised than I have been in the past and mention 10 highlights of the year. These include people, places, work and play and these are the experiences – good bad ugly – that I had like to take forward from the year that was.

I was going thru my pictures – for once I have organized them all too well in a folder titled 2007 and as I looked back it was hard to believe it was all in this one single year.

1.CNBC Investor camp: Went for this one in Jan. It was in Jaipur and was one of the most amazing experiences. Thanks to Lintas and Maruti (my agency and the client, I proudly say). Was back, made a ppt on the same. It was fun. Working on Maruti has been one of the best experiences because of the challenges it entails but all said and done it’s the team and leadership that matters. Maruti team is a different experience! Worth it I would say. The pic was taken on the way to Jaipur.

2.Quitting Lintas : Joining GE wasn’t as difficult as quitting Lintas. It has become a part of me and it was one of the most difficult choices ever. I was working till 16th Mar, got a weekend off and started a new job on 19th Mar. In the midst of all of it there were issues of integrity. I did the best I could. But I did have some sleepless nights then. I guess that is why the higher ranks every where are valued. They do the most difficult thing – make decisions. When I went for my exit interview the bottom line was that I will always be a Lintas person. It was my first job and I don’t know what could have been better.

3.Meeting with Lynn: One of the half hours I spent that I will always remember.

4.GE: Different world. Silent. No Music. Formal Dressing. Global practices. Good team. Had fun. Krishnan, Naveen and Sunil – Great guys. Learnt a lot. Radio campaign, viral campaign and product launches and the various remittance services – wow that was quite good. (Gt a sms frm K cursing me for the pending bills. Told him to pay attention when I was giving handover. He didn’t. Should I bother nw. I guess nt.)

5.Offer from LSE : This was a shared dream with a close friend. I made it. Was happy for myself. The dream will always be incomplete since he didn’t but I am sure he is meant for better things in life. Won’t mention him cos I can’t mention (privacy freak! He he he). Gt my offer in May and since then began another journey of challenges. Bank loan …Visa… at many a stage I felt it was not going to happen but it did despite all my fears. God put a smile upon my face!

6.Mum’s Retirement: All of it went off as planned and that was great. Words can’t say it all but I pretty much thank god everyday for mum, my siblings and for the support of our family. It is never about an individual, not where I come from.

7.Friends: Can never say enough for them. Aarohi – I know him in more ways than one and I always say that, Amruta – still in present ( she knows what I mean), Dinesh and Rahul – Delhi is special cos of those two lads – always look forward to seeing them when I get back – all of them made the year special. Munna – haven’t heard from him for late but I know stands by me through it all though I wonder and hope 2008 will be better fr him.

Aparna had a baby girl. Kunal moved outta Lintas – that was hard for me to believe. Sumita was a great support as always. Akku and Umshi yeah still as cool as they always were. Manoj aka Karan and Channo – when am feeling low I just speak to one of them. They are funny and cool.

Also made some new friends at new place
GE: Harit , Chavvi and Dimpsy – Well the surprise party was for one of the highlights of the year.
At LSE: Riddi, Alicia and Anirban – making life simpler.

8.London - LSE: Different city, different world – clean and clear.
LSE isn’t about a job. It is not about employment skills – it is about developing an individual who can think for himself, who can question and who can find his answers.

LSE is about social issues and politics. About enquiring what you don’t know not because it isn’t known but because the way you will know and explore it- will always be different. I heard great people – from Kamal Nath and Y V Reddy to the President of Finland , Head of Conflict Resolution at UN and the EX chief of MI6. There have been discussions that have stimulated one to think and question the systems and perhaps within the process question one’s own belief. In his visit for the launch of India observatory the Kamal Nath, Ministry of Commerce described LSE as Left thinking, Right Acting. That phrase will stick with me.

But it is surely the place that has made me think of media in a new light - in the light of politics, democracy, Marxian thought and cultural imperialism; not as ideas to be indifferent to but as ideas to embrace and assimilate in everyday life. Also the course on new media has been a real help and perhaps might be a determinant in my way forward. For my friend K who wants to do anthropology I would say there is no better place.

9.Travel and Shaadis: Did travel in the first half of the year – the second half was dedicated more to the biggest journey of my life. Jaipur, Ganpati Phule, Mumbai, Nainital – I guess tht was all.
Shaadis – Ankit , Shelly, Bhavna, Fancy…. Lots of frenz I can’t even recollect but yeah I guess I can easily count people left single in my group than people who got married. (It’s time to join the majority perhaps soon or may be not…anybody listening)

10.Blogs: I have always liked writing but this year has been great. In my project on new media I am working on virtual communities and indeed my highlights cannot be complete without a word for my fav blogs – my virtual community – lynn, svety, priti, aarohi, jay… well thanks for being there in the virtual world. Ut hasn’t written since he became a dad but I guess that happens as u become a father though mothers can manage better! He he he

So I look back at the pics and I guess I have precisely covered it all. The eventful year that was.

With more dreams, hoping for hope and seeking the paradise where I belong I wish u all a great and eventful year ahead and more so to myself.

christmas and more!

2007-12-29T16:41:00.000Z

before christmas - 23rd dec was a misty day. felt like heaven...paradise. the subtle hues of white all around.

christmas was nice and peaceful. didn't begin on a good note though. we were driving to b'ham and were stuck due to an accident but everyone waited and waited patiently. patience is a virtue. no honking, no screaming, no commotion. just peace despite the turmoil. had my christmas dinner with cousins and family. was fun. then went for a movie on boxing day ( never knew before now that it existed) and on the way back heard abt bhutto's assasination. got a sms. felt bad for pak and its people and the terrible times they are going thru. finally gt back.

got up ydy morning to Lynn's comment... made me smile. i fall short of words to describe the feeling! so there is a paradise - "paradise is about happiness and joy and peace and goodwill" - i agree. wisdom takes time to come. thanx

read svety's space on discpiline. made me think! dont we all need a bit of it all the time.
chatted with amruta and aarohi...strange they landed up in the same vicinity.

it is that time of the year, the end and the beginning. both always go together.
i am planning a few things before the year begins.
i hope to do them now...amen

there is no paradise

2007-12-18T13:58:00.000Z

I was chatting with a friend for sometime on life, mundane things and repetition. He mentioned how he wanted a change, a break from it all. Sounds familiar, doesn’t it? We all have our days, our phases. We all go through it and yet seldom few of us think beyond it.

My cousin, who is inspiring in more ways than one, says this often – there is no paradise. Of late I have found myself repeating it to me – there is no paradise.

It is a life of tradeoff, imperfection and disequilibrium. And within all of it we find our gains, perfections and equilibriums.

There is no paradise indeed!

It’s not a cynic’s view but a realist’s view of the world. Acceptance of an imperfect world is more idealistic than expectations of perfections in an idealistic world or so I think.

The Search

2007-12-18T13:39:00.000Z

It has been really long since I wrote about something that I have read. I have been reading much since it turns out to be my full time occupation for now ,but I haven’t written much about it. My last entry was about cyber-paranoia and since then I have been writing tit bits in the journal as i had decided, but just tit bits, nothing of real consequence.

Over the weekend I finished this book called THE SEARCH which traces the history of Google - 7 years of existence termed as history and here I am writing about it on a google platform called blogger. The book is interesting but besides the usual talk about google, googling and , here are my quotes from the book that DON’T relate to any of it and that have nothing to do with the subject of the book but still made an impact on me.

Monier ON MONEY:
I had rather do something interesting than something boring and get rich (Made me smile)

From the story of Gilgamesh ON IMMORTALITY:
The one who saw all
I will declare to the world…
He saw the great mystery, he knew the hidden
He recovered the knowledge of all times before the flood
He journeyed beyond the distant, he journeyed beyond exhaustion
And then carved his story on stone

And here I am trying hard to carve my story!

Cyber Paranoia

2007-12-04T14:13:00.001Z

I have done lots of silly things. In fact that’s what I have learned makes one a better person – break the norms and do unusual stuff. Isn’t that fun and indeed that the reason that my blog is called abnormal is outstanding. By saying so I do not in anyway seek to undermine the normal but just that normal is in a way expected and hence doesn’t hold much value.

Looking at it in another way I guess it’s about life itself. Life is pretty unexpected in its ways. To have a deterministic view of life, a view of cause and effect is rather absurd, at least in my perspective. My life has been unexpected and full of surprises - some good, some bad, some ugly yet surprising.

I have written a lot by now – at different places in different ways for different reasons but mostly it has been all in the cyberspace. For once I plan to get off it but don’t wish to get off my writing. So I am creating this private personal space. Some people take longer to get there. I remember S telling me this and not so long ago. He had issues with me writing in public space and in a way I did ridicule it. I thought it was rather silly. I still have no privacy issues and I still think it’s silly. So why am doing what am I doing and what exactly am I planning to do?

My realization is simplistic. I write in cyberspace that I do not own it. It’s a great place to share thoughts and ideas but it’s not the place I own. It’s just the space I participate in and I have not much of control on it. There are two ways for cyberspace – to charge the user or to advertise using AD words. Well both in a way are ideas that don’t appeal to me. So tomorrow if Blogger/ Hi5 / Yahoo decide to charge me, which they will eventually, I will have nothing left with me, unless I pay. This is a realization from one of the lectures that I attended. After all it’s not a space I own. Till it doesn’t happen I am happy and will share my thoughts but I will not share my thoughts or let my space become ad space. I am not exactly looking for hits or counts just for expressing myself and I WILL NOT PAY THE BUGGERS; that is for sure. Call it cyber paranoia or whatever.

I guess I have gone a bit overboard with my cyber existence. My current status since am taking stock of it all today anyway is:
Email Accounts: Gmail, Yahoo, Official ID.
Dead IDs: Indiatimes, Rediff, Lycos (Anyone ever heard of that), Yahoo (3 IDs in the past besides the one that is currently active)

Blogs: 5 on blogger + 1 on blogger
1 on Yahoo
1 Journal on Hi5

Chat Ids: Yahoo, Gtalk and Skype.

Another concern is that alone accounts for a hell lot of time and of late I think I am having my doubts about the virtual world. No wonder the time spent on internet is going up but I wonder what it is worth and also to question why the time spent has been rising. It is a lesson well learnt and I am not against it but just seeking to balance it.

So what do I plan to do? I plan to write it all in here. I have made a great word doc, formatted it to the best of my ability and got a picture in the background. It surely doesn’t look as great as a webpage but never mind. I will take a back up of the doc regularly and for now at least this will be the primary space for all my thoughts and ideas and then as and when I think its relevant and think the ideas can be shared on any one of the blogs I will put in there, to share it with one and all but my SPOC will now on be offline word doc and for all that I have left behind, I don’t know what will I do about it. The idea is just to economize on time and also to not fall in the trap of believing that I own something that I really don’t – the cyberspace.

My ephemeral virtual existence hence comes to an end. I am happier offline I guess.

(PS : the pic above was taken in 2005 and is one of my favorites. This pic also forms a part of the background of my word doc )

meme

2007-11-30T15:08:00.000Z

meme - it's a new word and a word that i found inspiring enough to quote in here. It talks of transfer of ideas and their evolution over a period of time. The ideas that propogate like viruses. I wonder if that's what we seek to achieve - to create meme. To create an idea that isn't limited and isn't constrained; the idea that travels far and beyond.

Well thats what advertising does as well! Wonder if advertising should look a bit deeper into it.

ramble n ramble more

2007-11-20T17:46:00.000Z

of beepers , bank accounts
politics and public opinion
of bias and agenda setting
journalism and SPIN

where am i caught
i know not
the girl next to me yawns
have no idea not

and then a few pretend to focus
like it was a matter of survival
the siren outside
life is so dull

and of wikis, control access
thoughts and ideas of analogies
of whispers and smiles
of petitions and pleas

i have one question too
for this lady who asks government's turning lazy
when did govt do much
or was there work hazy

europe cold and grey
i wonder if i need to stray
services and taxes
i want to go n play

or am playing this game of words
ha ha ha ha everyone goes
am fighting myself
fighting my woes

ah one sign of change
the black man turned colored
but his questions are the same
his identity isn't blurred

god bless his troubled soul
and the land he comes from
i wonder why he is here
leaving my home

pakistan red carpet blood
mush n bush loving the flood
and here a few hiding in queens land
Imran's ex-wife having no food spicy or bland

successfully failed

2007-11-20T17:39:00.000Z

it is rather silly at times to decide what u choose. if u choose to fail and do so what do u call it, what do u call that....successfully failed.

my ideas of success, of being better or worse, of proving your worth, of measuring oneself and benchmark against others holds no value. Is that freedom? Perhaps. Is that good? Don't know. Does it matter? No.

lost and found

2007-11-07T23:12:00.000Z

on last Sunday i was lost. i was going to meet a friend when i found myself suddenly in the middle of nowhere. anxious, weary, excited- its a mixed feeling to be lost- in an alien city, a foreign country. walked random streets. asked a few strangers. they helped to the best they could. but somehow their expressions and my comprehension towards the end made little sense. i was still lost n excited.

met yet another stranger and he told me to take the train, again. i didn't wanna go in the train...had been at the station for long enough...lost...to go back...but then it seemed i had no choice and i turned around to go back to the station.

the man came running back saying i could walk as well, if i so wished, but its distant. i wondered in that moment what made him come back. he had given his opinion. walked ahead and then came running back. he walked besides me and then at some point gave me the directions and walked ahead. i found my way...walked...saw the sunset. smiled.

why am i writing this here? it's simple. somewhere it was about trust. about following someone with the faith, that is so inherent. about giving in. aren't we all lost in the world but most times we just don't give up. we struggle, strive but not submit, accept. somewhere down the line what am still thinking about is his coming back running...makes me smile. second thoughts. change of heart or just the moment. submission and acceptance sometime show the right way.

(was rushing to meet my friends and yet dying to take a few pics. the sunset. the riverside. the one above was taken in that moment when i was lost and found. smiling through it to myself)

to be or not to be

2007-11-07T15:10:00.000Z

sometimes i wonder what is important
to hold on or to give up
to make it happen or to just let it be
to go with the flow or to just go slow
to be ambitious or to be just indifferent
to live in moment or to plan for future
to say and hurt or
to not say and be hurt

to be or not to be

i have no answer to it, to any of it. in this moment i feel a slight pulse in my head and am a li'l disoriented with myself at myself for myself. indeed the self , does it even exist or is it all relative.

i write n i delete cos i wonder if silence is better...

whites

2007-11-05T16:25:00.001Z

just got out of a class. it was on visual analysis and visual culture. but it was on a bigger issue as well. it was on racism. our prof Raka Shome, one of the few indian profs on campus ended her lecture with some images.

of princess diana holding some black kids
of madonna holding some black kids
of angelina jolie holding some black kids

it was about racism. about the elements of those pictures that contributed to our world view. of white mother for the dark children. she also posed an important question as she shared the images. she said why aren't there many pics with black women with white kids in popular media?

i found it funny, i laughed it off. but now as i sit and type it all, i wonder. think. contemplate. somehow to me it still seems improbable, difficult to believe.

inequality, discrimination and racism - i have always thought are things of the past, of the times gone by or of the world where i don't belong. perhaps not. not if it's so in your face and yet so obscure in thoughts.

the forms might have changed, the idea hasn't, has it?

image source: http://showbizfire.com/UserFiles/2007/4/12/79539233---madonna_kids.jpg

love, being and hunger - global issues

2007-11-04T11:12:00.000Z

four strangers a month ago. four friends by now.

stories of heartbreak, heartache. of lost love. of seeking someone special. of the times gone by. of letting bygones be bygones. of letting go. of lust and passion. firweworks by the window. with or without you.

stories of just being. single. alone but not lonely. work. getting laid. stalkers. happiness. pets. commitment. arranged marriages. sex after arranged marriages. honeymoon. sex with a stranger. penta-sexual. cockburn. i still haven't found what am looking for.

stories of the world. global issuess. terrorism. future. middle east. jehad - struggle with self. wmd. iraq. turkey. us - all of us. oil. nuclear war. bylanes of kolkata, streets of mumbai, counties of minnesota. 4th july. diwali. fireworks again. बुल्ला की जाना मैं कौन

freedom fries. hunger. food. american italian/mexican/everything... indian chinese, punjabi pasta/everything. french toast. maggi. cream n grapes. warmth.

tht was my last evening. stuck in a moment.

...this too shall pass...(2)

2007-10-27T12:43:00.000+01:00

( this was written as a reply to some one's remorse on the loss of a loved one - inspiration comes from just about anything and i wonder sometimes how words just connect all of us)

Growing with him u learned so much
miss him for once as much
for then perhaps in times to follow
u will wonder if it was all hollow
or perhaps laugh it off by yourself
in the sorrow, pause and delve

life will never be the same again
acceptance and gratitude, no disdain!
i wonder about the one that went
to me nothing he meant
i care not much for the bygone
in the sorrow, pause and mourn

life will go on for both of you
time stops not that is true
i wonder then how long and why
when in your treasure memories lie
you will long...so cheer up "this too shall pass"
in the sorrowed brown to the green grass

this too shall pass- its a phrase that i just don't seem to get over. its transient and yet it is eternal ... its consistent and yet ephemeral...and somehow it makes everything seem just so much more meaningful or meaningless, at times.

but i guess it also makes me grateful for all that i have. for the present that am blessed with and sometimes somebody else's sorrows find resonance not in your sorrow but perhaps in your happiness. ironic but true.

thank YOU ( God )
(don't seem to be saying that often of late somehow when i guess i need to be saying it most)

...this too shall pass...

2007-10-21T21:30:00.000+01:00

winter calling
leaves are falling
trees standing old and fragile
running through it all; the wind agile
frozen bodies hard to move
loud thumping wind but no groove

locked up inside the souls
the spirit consoles
indeed this too shall pass
the flowers;the leaves and the grass
that you can no more see
when it's spring will soon be

happiness spring will bring
but that too shall pass like everything
and what if winter is all i got
what if till spring i am not
i too shall pass
perhaps then i will spring in spring; in the grass

it may change but so will i
many deaths and yet i will lie
by your side through it all
this shall not pass like all
so smile and rejoice for the grey and green
for let me show you the unseen

everything around that passes by
is not the truth but a lie
but we know the truth; you and me
in the eyes of darkness as we see
passing all around time and space
in my unchanging heart you have a special place

celebrate

2007-10-21T11:15:00.000+01:00

celebrate indeed but how do i
wonder if without wings i can fly
and i wonder if there is reason enough to celebrate
i wonder if i have done something great
just bask in my glory
but it doesnt exist for me
just intoxicate myself and get the high
wonder if without wings i can fly

( this was my post on my bday...one of the bdays that i will never forget...for reasons that i dont wish to remember)

Home

2007-10-09T11:55:00.000+01:00

Ikea says HOME is the most important place in the world. It has a huge outdoor at the IMAX near London Bridge that stares me in my face as I cross it every morning. Every morning as I travel, it reminds me am away from home.

Makes me wonder at times about the many who do leave home and settle in new lands. Do they always feel like a wanderer away from home. Was chatting with Svety a while back and she did mention the same. It did strike a chord. It always does.

Out here among the many Indians I hear a lot of criticism about things back at the erstwhile home yet from the words that I hear I wonder where they belong? But more so I know for sure where I belong!

Farewell Quote

2007-10-03T12:48:00.000+01:00

My friend ( Have been expressly told not to mention him on the blog ) shared an excerpt from the book (Reluctant Fundamentalist) which he thought I identify with or did so at some point in time. And I guess I surely do.

"Its like i am an oyster. I've had this sharp speck inside me for a long time, and i've been trying to make it more comfortable, so slowly i've turned it into a pearl. But now it's finally been taken out, and just as it's going I'm realising there's a gap being left behind, you know, a dent on my belly where it used to sit."

This came to be a while back when Iw as still preparing to leave the country and I had told hiom then that this will go on the blog as my farewell quote.That also reminds me of the farewell i got and i thank my friends , co-workers and family for wishing me well.

I am far and distant now butmy thoughts are not.

said unsaid

2007-09-22T19:13:00.000+01:00

tears yet again
of silence in pain
of the words unsaid
of teary eyes with smiles instead

the moment when u heard it
without me saying a bit
i know now we share what i hoped
lie that truth has eloped

Enough

2007-09-20T19:00:00.000+01:00

On the way to Nainital,

Sunset and Clouds, 9th Sept, 1800hrs

Love is never enough and perhaps if its enough its nt love.

One of the spontaneous responses that just flows in a conversation bt that says it all. Lovers are known to be crazy, to push the limit, to challenge the normal, to go beyond what is. But what about letting go of love and waiting for it to come back? What about distance doesnt matter talk ? What about passion goes love stays

To say it in words is never enough either, i guess.

Bliss

2007-09-10T19:13:00.000+01:00

Nainital, Mall road, 9th Sept 2007

...the world is unfair , but its unfair for all, so perhaps it is fair...smile

...the right intentions, the right people , just stuck in wrong situations and circumstances... smile

...why the tears? are you ready to face your worst fears...tears

...I meant all of it, all that I said then...bliss

...why u running after peace? I am running after everything else. Perhaps we complete each other. U run after peace and I run after everything else. U gimme peace, I give u everything else...bliss

The past weekend was bliss. Today I did manage to give the pic to the Santa. Feels kind of strange to give something to the giver to all. Makes me happy. After the blissful weekend, Monday didn't feel so bad after all, for there was so much to think about or just not to think about. Bliss is rare to find like the light in the picture but when you find it, its hard to give up.

Sudden Shower

2007-08-27T04:23:00.000+01:00

Today as we were coming down to office there was a sudden splash of rain. It was a sudden shower outta nowhere and that did surprise, amaze, made people squeal and shrink. I observed these few things from the big window of the cab :

People run when it pours. They get wet anyway but they still run. That is what happens when the panic button gets pushed. We all run. We all know we can't escape it but we still run.

Three people on the bike. Two guys and a lady behind. As soon as it started pouring the lady took out her handkerchief and covered the guys head in front of her. Sometimes people who have lesser share more, people who have more share less.

Bikers seem to be having a great time though rain hits them hardest. To be free without cover is both painful yet pleasurable. Sometimes a bit of risk is good. Its the thrill of the unexpected that adds the dash to life.

Car wipers give this feeling of going forth and coming back eventually getting nowhere. If you wanna go somewhere, don't look back. Don't get stuck in a rut.

Sand

2007-08-17T19:50:00.000+01:00

the more you try to hold the sand,
the faster it slips off your hand,
i said once and told u so.

and today when u said dnt be that sand,
was when i felt of offering you a hand,
a hand to hold and tell you am not the sand to go.

and even if i were it,
you dont have to worry a bit,
it is all wet in your love.

the wet sand doesn't slip away,
it sticks and is here to stay,
the parting and meeting, is all left behind.

the wet sand that you may not see.
you will feel surely.
you would have to try hard to get it off you.

Every Picture has a story!

2007-08-16T17:48:00.000+01:00

This picture represents a lot for me. Its the symbol of procrastination , of living life another day, of doing it soon, of waiting for the right moment, of small things that matter much, of hours turning into days, of days turning into months, months into a year.

The picture is of the Christmas of last year. It was a wonderful day of cherished memories. It was a day that all my kids enjoyed and would fondly remember, am sure. It was a day of merriment and joy all around. We moved around Central Park at Connaught place and walked back home. We came across many Santas distributing sweets and going ha ha ha. The kids took pictures with all of them.

After I had clicked this pic, the Santa , the one in this pic held my hand. He came close and told me he was the watchman of the sweet shop and would be grateful if i would give him a copy of the pic. I surely would, I said. And am I ashamed to say that till date I haven't. Not for one reason but for every reason that I stated above. Am I ashamed? Very. Would I do something about it, I still wonder. But when I do I will surely write it in here.

Every Picture has a story - this one surely does have one. Not one that I am proud of right now. But one that I will be proud of soon , I hope. I have hope cos I remember this picture has a story too!